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Love Island: Fruit swapping, drink dropping, and desperately seeking drama Queens

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It really is hard to keep up with our Islanders because ever time I switch on there are new faces and different pairings. But that continual potential for drama is probably why it’s getting it’s highest ratings, ever. That and the pared down responsibilities of Caroline Flack.

But firstly, we have to discuss Malia-Gate. I didn’t get a good vibe from her VT but she went into that house to cause drama, and that’s exactly what she did, although it backfired spectacularly. I was surprised how quickly they removed her. On Ex On the Beach, Angry Lewis caused three fights before being ejected. That said I’m not condoning what she did, and we should praise the makers when they try to prevent any violence. There is no need to put your hands on anyone.

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That said, Kady’s reaction to the whole situation was very Nikki Grahame. But without the charisma and childlike exuberance. This weird game of kiss-chase that her and Scott are playing could get boring awfully quickly. Do I think she spilled the drink deliberately? To be honest, I couldn’t care less!

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Especially after we had to watch them swapping tinned fruit mouth-to-mouth. If it was supposed to be sexy, it wasn’t.

The air hostess seems nice enough, but I don’t know if you can effectively declare how classy you are; when you’re in a bikini and about to enter Love Island…

Rykard definitely seems taken with her which could spell more trouble for Olivia, after she was dumped by Terry in favour of Malin. The blonde’s description of herself as ‘a bruised apple that no one wanted’, was surprisingly astute. She may find herself following Javi out of that door.

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To go with the two that came in on Day 2, we’ve ha another two girls and boys we have four boys – although only two of them will stay. Confused much? Me too!
So far three of our couples have had Sex and I’m not sure if that’s a lot or not many. Either way I’m kinda glad I don’t know.

Right now I’m liking fewer ‘stars’ than I dislike. Which is really annoying because they are actually creating a great guilty pleasure show. We’re not bombarded with it all year long, unlike Towie at times. Given it’s only on once a year, you would think they would have made a better selection of people. We’ve got Sophie + Tom, Malin + Terry and Cara + Nathan all loved up which is great, but bubblegum and fairytales is never good for viewer enjoyment.

We had Terry going on about the feelings he has for Malin. But to be honest I’m not sure if it’s love or hunger. The boy looks like he can eat.

Basically I need someone to go in there, mess stuff up, preach some home truths, drop the mic and walk out. Cami Lee style.

Come on ITV2, because after Tuesday’s live Big Brother Launch you may well be my only reality TV hope.

NOTE: At least until the start of Playa in Marbella, starring Elliott Wright.

Love Island is on ITV2 at 9pm or available at ITV Hub.

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Made in Chelsea: Unlucky number eleven?

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I thought Made in Chelsea would be back with a Bvlgari bang, but instead they welcomed us back to their 11th series with a Woolworths whimper.

It was THAT bad!

Most of their opener was taken up with the sort of problems I don’t require my rich reality stars to have.

Continue reading “Made in Chelsea: Unlucky number eleven?” →

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Made in Chelsea: J-Pinky, Jucy and Jessmie.

And they’re back, the rich kids with perfectly coiffed hair returned to our screens and judging by the weather; the sun stayed in Los Angeles.

One thing that hasn’t stayed in LA is the situation I have named J-Pinky (JP and Binky). Now I love Binky. She’s pretty, humble and real; but she has bloody awful taste in men. They may look good, but everytime she unwraps the present there is a lump of cheating coal there! Alex, Jamie, JP! Come on Binks, you are better than that. Channel some of Lucy’s confidence and Louise’s naughtiness and you would be fighting the boys off. But on a serious note, you deserve someone who feels privileged to be with you. I have a 13-yo cousin with more emotional maturity than JP!

On the positive side we have Lucy and James, who are going to have beautifully athletic brunette children one day. You can see the change in Miss Watson since she hooked up with the delectable Mr. Dunmore. She seems much more relaxed and a lot less angry. Plus, Jucy is definitely working for her judging by their pictures on Instagram.

Am I the only one bored of Spencer? I feel like he should do a Mark Wright and bow out gracefully. He actually brings diddley squat to the show, plus that hair and beard makes him look like a bear. And not the cute kind.

Jamie!
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie! What are you doing? Jess is just Phoebe with less eyeliner and the dress sense of a sixth-former! It’s clear he hasn’t learnt his lesson with getting attached to girls who clearly don’t see him as anything other than a stopgap.

You’ve got to feel sorry for Sam though. Got her initials tattooed on your arm, faced the father, and plucking up the courage to say the L-word. Then Tiff confesses to cheating on you! Give her another chance mate, lets be honest you’re are punching 😒

But disappointingly, nothing has changed since the last series and I kinda feel we need some fresh meat to spice things up.

If you think I’m wrong, here are some things that are the same from last series:

• Alex wearing something high-fashion and jeans that are far too tight

• Spencer moaning about Lauren’s clingy behaviour

• Sam Watson bring inappropriate and socially awkward

• Binky feeling hurt because of a guy

• Rosie doing, well, nothing. Except giving great ‘resting bitch face’.

• Mark and Victoria shopping.

They need to take a lesson from TOWIE and bring some new faces to the table.

While I’m glad to see Ollie back, we need some new drama and someone to come in and shake things up.

We need another: “Why is everyone up in my grill” moment.

Come on E4, get your game together. Monday nights are relying on you. 👆

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TOWIE Oct 18: Lies, pies and empty minds.

You can always rely on our Essex fraternity to fill our heads with their relationship drama, and this episode had it in heavy supply.

I’ll start with Lydia and Arg because I imagine you’re as bored by them, as I am. Has it really been seven years they’ve been playing this tedious game, coz it feels like a lifetime for us viewers. And have you noticed they don’t have one of those silly couple names! Is that because the only natural one is ‘Large’?

So tonight we had Arg writing Lyds a soppy apology letter – again, Lyds crying – again, everyone telling Arg to give her space – again, and Debbie acting like it’s her marriage that is breaking up. Again!!!

The joke is we can all see what is, and always has been the problem with this union. Arg clearly doesn’t feel he’s good enough for Lydia, and from all the gossiping around Debbie’s table, everyone agrees with him. While he’s had his issues and I salute his strength to maintain his recovery, he doesn’t need a sponsor or a Mother. I’m presuming he has both of those. He needs a girlfriend, and until he doesn’t feel he has to lie about the silliest thing to ‘my Lyds’ we’ll continue to be bored by this never-ending storyline.

Someone I did have sympathy for was Pirate Pete. Rather than letting him take her on a proper date, Princess Jess made them gatecrash Fearne and Liam’s. Talk about the short straw for our favourite tattooed totty. I genuinely think if Gatsby looked like Pete, then the Princess would be picking out her wedding dress. Although she made a joke out of it, her description of them as ‘The Princess and the Stablehand’ felt like it was laced with a heavy dose of truth for her. I must admit that my heart went out to Pete when she pied him off, on camera AND in front of Fearne and Gatsby. I can’t help but feel she’s made a mistake because our Pirate seems like one of the only decent guys in Essex and he had the patience to deal with a girl who yells ‘high maintenance’ louder than Nanny Pat when she’s got the winning line at bingo’!

A quick note on Fearne and Gatsy – Fatsby, Fiam or Gearne? Anyway, I would hate to think that Fearne is just interested in his money, as seems to be the general social media consensus. I think it may be a little more than that, not everyone has to look like Brad Pitt people. Liam is hugely confident, as is Fearne, and I think she’s appreciating the fact that she’s met a guy who is not scared by that. He thrives on it and he’s clearly got enough ego for the both of them. But hey, we will see…

Was I the only one that thought that scene where Kate, Chloe and Nicole were having dinner was absolutely abysmal? Don’t get me wrong, they’re all attractive girls but the fact that only one of of the three of them was able to string a proper sentence together was deeply concerning for the future of the Essex economy. There are only so many boutiques and salons ex-cast members can open!

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