I adore Louise’s such obvious distaste for the Sam and Mimi situation. Hashtag big sister goals. As someone who has been there, done it and worn the t-shirt – she did date Spencer + Jamie – she can see the car crash coming a mile off.
I had a few episodes to catch up on so there was too much coach based action to create any kind of proper review. So I thought I’d switch it up with some some advice for our travellers.
Debbie and Ashleigh: Firstly, you’re about as mature as a Dairylea slice! I can’t help but think you just don’t like the young hotties that are Lauren and Holmest.
You’ve spent the whole trip saying how you want young, lively people and when your get two more; all you do is moan about them.
Is it coz Liam + Josh are spending time with girls who aren’t you? You say the new girls are fake, but you spend most of your time with Alex and Rochelle… #JustSaying
Ed and Alex: Alex, stop rapping. It’s not good, it’s not even remotely funny after the first time and I’m cringing everytime you do it. Also, is it the only rap song you know?
Josh and Liam: Putting your arm around someone isn’t flirting. Your obsession with Jess and Abi’s relationship is kinda creepy. They’re relationship is NOT your business. And I feel like you’re confusing ‘being a lad’ with ‘being a twat’.
Talking to someone or touching them does not mean they want the little D’s. Btw, no one is buying the gentlemen act. And if they are, I know a good hospital where they can spend spend some time.
“Nothing gets past our eyes without us rating it.” Really boys. Really? Not very gentlemanly, is it?
And for the love of Christ; stop calling yourself Ballers.
Abi and Jess: If you don’t want to be on this trip then you should go home. A free holiday is no reason to put yourself through negativity and spending time with people you clearly don’t like.
Your relationship is your business and if people don’t respect that, it says more about them than you.
Alex and Rochelle: Just breathe occasionally. Seriously, breathe. And turn the volume every now and then. As much as your friendship is cute, this double standard at the vote is frigging annoying.
You made a big deal of telling everyone else to deal with it when you voted for them, yet threatened to kick Ed and Alex in the groin if they voted for you again!
Lauren and Holmest: Your seem like nice girls, but you’re young. So take it from an old bird, STEP AWAY FROM THE D. Don’t let the piggyback’s and cheeky smiles delude you.
Dan and Andy: You seem nice, but there’s time yet…
All this Ballers, banter, lad stuff is childish. And as a viewer it is annoying to watch a group of adults acting like pre-pubescent teenagers on a school trip.
Maybe I’m old, maybe I’m boring. Or maybe I just don’t need to be in a group within a group in order to prove who I am.
For a girl whose family make exquisite cars, Liv Bentley sure has a trashy mouth. She was at it again this episode, as she described her dalliance with Alex in the same way I would expect Mummy Felstead to describe how she tends those countryside lawns! Although her partner in that night of crime wasn’t much better. I can’t decide if his dumping of long-term girlfriend Nicola by text was worse than the fact that he could barely remember ‘shagging’ Liv.
Although he trumped himself wih the revelation that he’d been flirting wih Frankie behind best bud Jamie’s back. Although I have no idea why the blonde jester would be surprised, Mitten slept with his ex Tara within weeks of their break-up. His failure to keep his dick in his pants is well documented…
Meanwhile the returning Francis Boulle seems to be the most eligible bachelor in Cannes as he bedded Toff after arranging a date with Miss Bentley. Once again I suspect that our excitable blonde is going to get her heart broken again as we see her and Jess chastise Liv and Francis at the wine tasting.
I don’t know what Boulle was digging for in Africa, but the boy certainly found some game. Two girls on the leash from a boy who struggled to get one back in the day. I’m surprised he hasn’t hit on Jess yet as they both do like a skateboard!
In better news The Blonde couple are not the ones having relationship problem -as yet. Sam and Tiff look suitably loved up and I have to say that the young Watson’s bikini game has been on point. If I could get her abs, I may give up carbs sometime this century.
It also looks like we’ve seen the end of Louise and Alik as she was flirting with a French graffiti artist before informing him that someone from London, who she was already dating, was coming to visit her. Do you remember the innocent, slightly topic Louise from the early series? Me too. I miss her…
I never thought I would see the day when Brendan Sheerin was flustered or vex. But the Road to Ibiza cast managed it when we had five, yes FIVE refusing to vote; thus leaving Brendan with just one couple on the coach. I’m pretty sure it was a first for the international tour guide, and it was definitely a first for the viewers.
For those of you not in the loop, all the originals refused to vote after brother and sister pair Enzo and Michelina left the trip for unexplained personal reasons. The previous day’s vote had seen the newcomers launch an unnecessary tirade at Matt and Dylan during the vote, thus raising the backs of their fellow originals. Their obvious and predictable plan the following day was to see the Angry Italians yellow carded, but their impromptu departure scuppered those plans. So with all five already on one yellow card, they all refrained from inflicting the vote that would see a fellow original leave.
So after terse statement from Brendan that refusal to vote would result in an instant red card, they all – after several dramatic pauses – stuck to their guns. While I admired their loyalty to each other I couldn’t help but wonder why they’d all just wasted a trip of a lifetime! I mean, holidays are damned expensive these days. But following the screening of said show, a few of them have added some more information that we weren’t aware of. Like the fact that all pairs have to log their votes with producers pre-event.
Now given that this trip has seen immunity and instant red cards given out willy-nilly, it would’ve been possible to let the vote be null and void for that day so we weren’t left with Brendan and Rochelle and Alex who are merely a more excitable and less angry, George and Amber. And in a moment to warm your hearts, they are all still friends and they DID make it to Ibiza. Although the status of Jake and Emma’s relationship is unknown, we’d be more than happy to give him a shoulder to cry on if he needed it…
The worst things about the situation was we missed out on Enzo going apoplectic on them all when him and his sister received a yellow card and we’re left with the most uninspiring bunch of contestants since this year’s Big Brother ended.
I already mentioned Rochelle and Alex, who seem to think that a physical interpretation of an emoji is an acceptable way for adults to express their thoughts. These two could become as annoying as herpes! Edward and Alex who are the antithesis of Liam and Sam, and who really should’ve gone to Specsavers. Then we have Gina and Lisa AKA ‘We’re Mum’s but we’re still REALLY cool and down with he kids’. Clearly Zoe Ball is their spirit animal!
Although we do have the adorable and gorgeous Jess and Abi who may well replace Matt and Dylan in our hearts when it comes to relationship goals. And fitness ones.
Oh well, here’s hoping there’s more interesting people joining in the next few days and that more drama ensues. Because we’ll enjoy it and an international tour guide like our Brendan can definitely handle it.
I’ll admit, I’m not the biggest animal lover but even I had something in my eyes while watching Bob grieving for his beloved dog. All losses hurt, so I hope Bobby can find some comfort in his memories. And at another time we’ll have the conversation about the irresponsible dog owners who don’t muzzle their pets. Continue reading “TOWIE: Bows, Rows + Shows “→