When you’ve been engrossed in a series – scripted, reality or otherwise – you always hope that whatever follows engages your attention span in the same way.
Before I go any further I must make sure that the world, well, our readers; know that not all females are as incapable at DIY as the girls in the villa. I, and most of the women I know are more than able to change fuses, wire plugs and knock up the best IKEA have to offer. Now we’ve got that out of the way…
When it comes to creating awkward moments, Love Island is up there with Dinner Date as their latest shock saw original Tom Powell threatening to leave the house.
Is there anything viewers love more in a reality show than the housemates or contestants secrets being spilled? We’re always lucky enough to know what’s being said behind their backs, so it’s only fair they should know the truth. Right?
Well the Evil Cilla of Love Island did it in superb fashion, as we saw who mugged off whom, while getting mugs of cold tea thrown in the muggees faces. – Keep up at the back –
I dunno why Liana was so unhappy, cold tea is great for sunburn… But more on that later.
I’d seen on social media that Moany Malin wasn’t the most popular of girls but I was as shocked as anyone when she was in the bottom three, let alone the least popular. I suspect the people of Chelsea have pretty high phone bills right now, because with all due respect; Tina has the personality of soggy bread.
And not the expensive stuff from a deli in Kensington, but the cheap branded loaf you get from your local mini-supermarket. Plus anyone who can ‘lose their car for six months’ doesn’t deserve any potential prize money. As the boys said: “#RichGirlProblems”.
Although Terry instantly stated he was ‘doing a Rykard ™’, we know from that exit that the producers will try to persuade him otherwise.
It’s actually quite amusing that their meddling actions could well damage the show. The thought that people would actually find love and want to stay loyal clearly never crossed the producers evil minds. They are currently beating Big Brother in comparable ratings, but I don’t see that continuing if we have to watch Terry or anyone else pining for their one true love.
But before we see if he does leave, there are serious questions that I need answering.
* Did no one tell Liana about the danger of not using sunscreen? If I were her I wouldn’t wonder if my lips looked bad. From what I’ve seen they don’t look any different…
* If Alex really does have ‘The biggest cock in the world’, does he use special condoms? I can’t imagine ‘pencil dick’ & ‘biggest cock’ can use the same…
* When will it actually be Kady’s last chance with Scott? She’s had so many I’ve actually lost count. At this rate they’ll be celebrating their Ruby wedding anniversary and she’ll still be mugging him off.
* When will Cara realise that she has a good one in Nathan and stop looking for stress that isn’t there? Soon I hope as I’ve tipped them as the winners.
* How funny was drunk Agent Olive trying to reignite Operation Tina Colada?
So, one last thing. There has been a lot said about Adam’s comments on sleeping with Liana and then picking Tina, and I’m sure you smelt the hypocrisy for miles. I don’t condone his comments and I hope they were in jest but it’s hard to take the uproar seriously when it’s coming from people or organisations who earn their money by judging womens bodies. The whole initial premise of the show is about who you are initially attracted to, not who has the best personality.
In an ideal world a girl should have any job AND still be treated with respect. But this is not the ideal world, it’s the real one. So unfortunately if people feel that you fit a certain stereotype, they will treat you in that way. It is the same with the Zara/Miss GB situation and once again it is the girl who gets most emotionally hurt. It may be sad, but unfortunately it’s true.
But to paraphrase Sophie: “Girls like having sex, get over it”. Or under, or on…
Hey, whatever works for you!
My mentor used to give me feedback in a way I affectionately called ‘a sh*t sandwich’. So rather than tell me straight away that my work was pants, he’d praise me first. Then he’d give me the bad news before finishing with more positive statements.
I couldn’t help but think of this while watching the aftermath of Rachel & Rykard’s departure from the house, following the beach party.
The arrival of Adam was just the start of the Evil Cilla’s tricks for the Love Island contestants as they were hit with several surprises in the weekend from hell.
If Carlsberg did uncomfortable silences, they would’ve been smug as hell while waiting for Sophie to reassure Tom that he didn’t need to worry about the arrival of Amorous Adam. Sadly for him the initial decision was taken out of his hands when Adam decide to invite ‘our Soph’ for a glass… of lemon cordial. Talk about a big spender.
Admittedly Sophie said she understood how Tom was feeling as she would be angry is some beaut just rocked up and tried to put it on her man. The boys had a little pec-to-pec and it was clear that being new to the house meant Adam was still acting as we do in the real world. You know the situation, the one where you don’t ask a guy who’s known a girl for a week, IF you can take her out for a refreshing beverage.
Although it was a complete surprise Adam can even breathe, let alone look at anyone else as Zara followed him around the house like a dog owner with a pooper scooper. She made him breakfast, well scrambled eggs, before ensuring that he was no further than two metres away at all times. So the look on her face when he chose Olivia as his first date, was priceless. She claimed she wasn’t bothered, but the flames coming from her nose told a different story. I wonder if that was get skill when she won Miss GB. Did you know she was Miss GB? She doesn’t like to talk about it, so you may not know she is Miss GB. But she is, she’s Miss GB.
And talking of girls who can’t catch a break; what is Caroline Flack actually paid to do? She does a couple of intro VT’s otherwise we barely hear from her. I’m not exactly complaining, but can still feel a little sorry for her. Especially after she also lost the X-Factor gig as well. On the plus side, the voice-over guy is Dave Lamb for teenagers.
But even worse than Zara’s slightly OTT flirting our couples then had to make the male’s ahem, member, out of clay. The general consensus is that Dan is extremely blessed in that area. The judging at the end was funny, but the zoomed in camera shots while they were moulding felt a wee bit icky. Let’s just say, it wasn’t exactly Ghost. And the boys aren’t exactly Patrick Swayze.
But that was nothing compared to the shock of self-proclaimed ‘bezzies’ getting down and dirty at bedtime. With his current victim Rachel in the next bed! They are only coupled up because Malin and Terry realised they preferred each other.
Curiously Olivia was as shocked as us by the events, although after an awkward chat it doesn’t appear as if there will be a repeat performance. So he’s all Rachel’s – what a lucky girl she is.
It really is hard to keep up with our Islanders because ever time I switch on there are new faces and different pairings. But that continual potential for drama is probably why it’s getting it’s highest ratings, ever. That and the pared down responsibilities of Caroline Flack.
But firstly, we have to discuss Malia-Gate. I didn’t get a good vibe from her VT but she went into that house to cause drama, and that’s exactly what she did, although it backfired spectacularly. I was surprised how quickly they removed her. On Ex On the Beach, Angry Lewis caused three fights before being ejected. That said I’m not condoning what she did, and we should praise the makers when they try to prevent any violence. There is no need to put your hands on anyone.
That said, Kady’s reaction to the whole situation was very Nikki Grahame. But without the charisma and childlike exuberance. This weird game of kiss-chase that her and Scott are playing could get boring awfully quickly. Do I think she spilled the drink deliberately? To be honest, I couldn’t care less!
Especially after we had to watch them swapping tinned fruit mouth-to-mouth. If it was supposed to be sexy, it wasn’t.
The air hostess seems nice enough, but I don’t know if you can effectively declare how classy you are; when you’re in a bikini and about to enter Love Island…
Rykard definitely seems taken with her which could spell more trouble for Olivia, after she was dumped by Terry in favour of Malin. The blonde’s description of herself as ‘a bruised apple that no one wanted’, was surprisingly astute. She may find herself following Javi out of that door.
To go with the two that came in on Day 2, we’ve ha another two girls and boys we have four boys – although only two of them will stay. Confused much? Me too!
So far three of our couples have had Sex and I’m not sure if that’s a lot or not many. Either way I’m kinda glad I don’t know.
Right now I’m liking fewer ‘stars’ than I dislike. Which is really annoying because they are actually creating a great guilty pleasure show. We’re not bombarded with it all year long, unlike Towie at times. Given it’s only on once a year, you would think they would have made a better selection of people. We’ve got Sophie + Tom, Malin + Terry and Cara + Nathan all loved up which is great, but bubblegum and fairytales is never good for viewer enjoyment.
We had Terry going on about the feelings he has for Malin. But to be honest I’m not sure if it’s love or hunger. The boy looks like he can eat.
Basically I need someone to go in there, mess stuff up, preach some home truths, drop the mic and walk out. Cami Lee style.
Come on ITV2, because after Tuesday’s live Big Brother Launch you may well be my only reality TV hope.
NOTE: At least until the start of Playa in Marbella, starring Elliott Wright.