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I thought Made in Chelsea would be back with a Bvlgari bang, but instead they welcomed us back to their 11th series with a Woolworths whimper.

It was THAT bad!

Most of their opener was taken up with the sort of problems I don’t require my rich reality stars to have.

So – drumroll please – here’s a quick roundup:

° JP is still not treating our Binky with the respect she deserves. He has the emotional maturity of a 6yo child.

° After lying about cheating in the last series, Sam seems on a one-man mission to make Tiff cry again. And no one wants to see that. Even on the rare occasions she is happy, the blonde Watson has a very expressive face. As we saw,  once again, when she confronted Liv.

° Louise is prancing around like some sort of innocent virgin Queen. But we all know it’s only a matter of time before she gets drunk again and forgets everything that happened.

° Toff is still acting as if she struggles to open her eyes in the morning, let alone navigate the daily toll of a busy London life.

° And Rosie is still dating her wardrobe.

Thankfully, we had Lucy and James being refreshingly normal and Mark and Victoria being frightfully posh to get us through.

Pray to your Gucci God that next week is much better!

BEST LINE:
James to JP: “Maybe you’re still single, but in a relationship.”

NOTE:
That said, there was one moment that did make me smile. To see the girls strip off and pose for those beautiful photos was fabulous, darling. So many young girls are obsessed by their weight, so it was nice to see Liv create such emotive pictures of the female form.

Made in Chelsea is on E4 at 9pm on Monday nights.

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