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Love Island: Spilling all kinds of tea

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I was gonna write this post yesterday but after I saw the previews of last night’s show, I had no choice but to wait.

Is there anything viewers love more in a reality show than the housemates or contestants secrets being spilled? We’re always lucky enough to know what’s being said behind their backs, so it’s only fair they should know the truth. Right?

Well the Evil Cilla of Love Island did it in superb fashion, as we saw who mugged off whom, while getting mugs of cold tea thrown in the muggees faces. – Keep up at the back –
I dunno why Liana was so unhappy, cold tea is great for sunburn… But more on that later.

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I’d seen on social media that Moany Malin wasn’t the most popular of girls but I was as shocked as anyone when she was in the bottom three, let alone the least popular. I suspect the people of Chelsea have pretty high phone bills right now, because with all due respect; Tina has the personality of soggy bread.

And not the expensive stuff from a deli in Kensington, but the cheap branded loaf you get from your local mini-supermarket. Plus anyone who can ‘lose their car for six months’ doesn’t deserve any potential prize money. As the boys said: “#RichGirlProblems”.

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Although Terry instantly stated he was ‘doing a Rykard ™’, we know from that exit that the producers will try to persuade him otherwise.

It’s actually quite amusing that their meddling actions could well damage the show. The thought that people would actually find love and want to stay loyal clearly never crossed the producers evil minds. They are currently beating Big Brother in comparable ratings, but I don’t see that continuing if we have to watch Terry or anyone else pining for their one true love.

But before we see if he does leave, there are serious questions that I need answering.

* Did no one tell Liana about the danger of not using sunscreen? If I were her I wouldn’t wonder if my lips looked bad. From what I’ve seen they don’t look any different…

* If Alex really does have ‘The biggest cock in the world’, does he use special condoms? I can’t imagine ‘pencil dick’ & ‘biggest cock’ can use the same…

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* Has Adam not yet realised that he’s not going to find love on this island? His dislikes tend to be a prerequisite for most of the villas female inhabitants.

* When will it actually be Kady’s last chance with Scott? She’s had so many I’ve actually lost count. At this rate they’ll be celebrating their Ruby wedding anniversary and she’ll still be mugging him off.

* When will Cara realise that she has a good one in Nathan and stop looking for stress that isn’t there? Soon I hope as I’ve tipped them as the winners.

* How funny was drunk Agent Olive trying to reignite Operation Tina Colada?

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So, one last thing. There has been a lot said about Adam’s comments on sleeping with Liana and then picking Tina, and I’m sure you smelt the hypocrisy for miles. I don’t condone his comments and I hope they were in jest but it’s hard to take the uproar seriously when it’s coming from people or organisations who earn their money by judging womens bodies. The whole initial premise of the show is about who you are initially attracted to, not who has the best personality.

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In an ideal world a girl should have any job AND still be treated with respect. But this is not the ideal world, it’s the real one. So unfortunately if people feel that you fit a certain stereotype, they will treat you in that way. It is the same with the Zara/Miss GB situation and once again it is the girl who gets most emotionally hurt. It may be sad, but unfortunately it’s true.

But to paraphrase Sophie: “Girls like having sex, get over it”. Or under, or on…

Hey, whatever works for you!

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NH
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Love Island is on ITV2 nightly at 9pm.

Love Island: Feeling love, liars and Liv

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If Carlsberg did uncomfortable silences, they would’ve been smug as hell while waiting for Sophie to reassure Tom that he didn’t need to worry about the arrival of Amorous Adam. Sadly for him the initial decision was taken out of his hands when Adam decide to invite ‘our Soph’ for a glass… of lemon cordial. Talk about a big spender.

Admittedly Sophie said she understood how Tom was feeling as she would be angry is some beaut just rocked up and tried to put it on her man. The boys had a little pec-to-pec and it was clear that being new to the house meant Adam was still acting as we do in the real world. You know the situation, the one where you don’t ask a guy who’s known a girl for a week, IF you can take her out for a refreshing beverage.

Although it was a complete surprise Adam can even breathe, let alone look at anyone else as Zara followed him around the house like a dog owner with a pooper scooper. She made him breakfast, well scrambled eggs, before ensuring that he was no further than two metres away at all times. So the look on her face when he chose Olivia as his first date, was priceless. She claimed she wasn’t bothered, but the flames coming from her nose told a different story. I wonder if that was get skill when she won Miss GB. Did you know she was Miss GB? She doesn’t like to talk about it, so you may not know she is Miss GB. But she is, she’s Miss GB.

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And talking of girls who can’t catch a break; what is Caroline Flack actually paid to do? She does a couple of intro VT’s otherwise we barely hear from her. I’m not exactly complaining, but can still feel a little sorry for her. Especially after she also lost the X-Factor gig as well. On the plus side, the voice-over guy is Dave Lamb for teenagers.

But even worse than Zara’s slightly OTT flirting our couples then had to make the male’s ahem, member, out of clay. The general consensus is that Dan is extremely blessed in that area. The judging at the end was funny, but the zoomed in camera shots while they were moulding felt a wee bit icky. Let’s just say, it wasn’t exactly Ghost. And the boys aren’t exactly Patrick Swayze.

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But that was nothing compared to the shock of self-proclaimed ‘bezzies’ getting down and dirty at bedtime. With his current victim Rachel in the next bed! They are only coupled up because Malin and Terry realised they preferred each other.

Curiously Olivia was as shocked as us by the events, although after an awkward chat it doesn’t appear as if there will be a repeat performance. So he’s all Rachel’s – what a lucky girl she is.
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NH
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Love Island is on ITV2 every evening at 9pm.

TOWIE Oct 18: Lies, pies and empty minds.

You can always rely on our Essex fraternity to fill our heads with their relationship drama, and this episode had it in heavy supply.

I’ll start with Lydia and Arg because I imagine you’re as bored by them, as I am. Has it really been seven years they’ve been playing this tedious game, coz it feels like a lifetime for us viewers. And have you noticed they don’t have one of those silly couple names! Is that because the only natural one is ‘Large’?

So tonight we had Arg writing Lyds a soppy apology letter – again, Lyds crying – again, everyone telling Arg to give her space – again, and Debbie acting like it’s her marriage that is breaking up. Again!!!

The joke is we can all see what is, and always has been the problem with this union. Arg clearly doesn’t feel he’s good enough for Lydia, and from all the gossiping around Debbie’s table, everyone agrees with him. While he’s had his issues and I salute his strength to maintain his recovery, he doesn’t need a sponsor or a Mother. I’m presuming he has both of those. He needs a girlfriend, and until he doesn’t feel he has to lie about the silliest thing to ‘my Lyds’ we’ll continue to be bored by this never-ending storyline.

Someone I did have sympathy for was Pirate Pete. Rather than letting him take her on a proper date, Princess Jess made them gatecrash Fearne and Liam’s. Talk about the short straw for our favourite tattooed totty. I genuinely think if Gatsby looked like Pete, then the Princess would be picking out her wedding dress. Although she made a joke out of it, her description of them as ‘The Princess and the Stablehand’ felt like it was laced with a heavy dose of truth for her. I must admit that my heart went out to Pete when she pied him off, on camera AND in front of Fearne and Gatsby. I can’t help but feel she’s made a mistake because our Pirate seems like one of the only decent guys in Essex and he had the patience to deal with a girl who yells ‘high maintenance’ louder than Nanny Pat when she’s got the winning line at bingo’!

A quick note on Fearne and Gatsy – Fatsby, Fiam or Gearne? Anyway, I would hate to think that Fearne is just interested in his money, as seems to be the general social media consensus. I think it may be a little more than that, not everyone has to look like Brad Pitt people. Liam is hugely confident, as is Fearne, and I think she’s appreciating the fact that she’s met a guy who is not scared by that. He thrives on it and he’s clearly got enough ego for the both of them. But hey, we will see…

Was I the only one that thought that scene where Kate, Chloe and Nicole were having dinner was absolutely abysmal? Don’t get me wrong, they’re all attractive girls but the fact that only one of of the three of them was able to string a proper sentence together was deeply concerning for the future of the Essex economy. There are only so many boutiques and salons ex-cast members can open!

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