We should all know by now that TOWIE likes to get us started with a bang and as much drama as possible, deliberate or otherwise.

And this series’ opener did not disappoint! There is literally so much to get through so I will try my best to do it as efficiently and quickly as possible. While wondering how GC looked so damn good in her hospital bed.

The Cameraman

Look we all know that most of our ladies have cracking boob action going on. Kate, Georgia and Lockie’s new missus. But do you really need to do those creepy lingering shots that make me feel like I’m a sweaty 50-year-old man perving on an aerobics class? I think not. So please don’t do them. And if you must, at least keep it equal opportunities and linger on a six-pack or five.

Gemma’s Hospital stay

You’ve gotta feel bad for the GC. As someone that suffers with sinus problems I can tell you it’s not nice, so to be laid up with it and unable to travel must be a bloody nightmare. Imagine your head feeling like its housing a football that weighs ten stone and you’re getting the drift.

Even worse she had to miss her birthday parties, although that may have been a good thing considering all the drama they entailed. Although I must admit I would’ve liked to have seen her refereeing the Gatsby/Pirate Pete sitch – but we’ll get to that later.

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Georgia and Tommy

I still have so much love for these two. Not because they’re doing anything special or out of the ordinary, but because they are ordinary. They’re a young couple finding their way and doing that on TV can’t be easy.

Dan E and Amber T

Amber is another one of Megan’s best friend’s for years. Damn, how many BFF’s can one girl have? And are we back in school with all this talk of besties, and not talking, anddddddddddddd……………..

Sorry I fell asleep on the keyboard there.

Anyway, we soon found out that the even newer Amber had a long-term boyfriend, yet there are rumours she hooked up with Dan E. Now I fancy Dan as much as the next person but if you are in a relationship, imho, there is never a time where you should be in a situation that can be misconstrued. Even if you haven’t done anything, this is Essex and people chat. A lot!

If you don’t give people the ammunition, they can’t fire them shots. It’s that simple.

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Pegan VS. Gatsby

Now if you ever want a simple situation blown out of proportion then Pegan are your people. Seriously, can you not manage a conversation without shouting and name-calling. It’s juvenile, and just damn right annoying. Just talk, like adults. Please FFS!

What started as a confusing row between Megan and Liam ended with Pirate Pete and Gatsby playing a game of slaps (Ed – I was rubbish at them!) while Megan sipped on her drink across the bar.

Round two started when Megan went to demand her apology but within two minutes of saying ‘hi’ to Georgia, Kate and Liam; she was throwing shade and from the many apologies I’ve given, I know that is not the way to do it. If you put someone’s back up, don’t act the victim when they fire back. It’s that real!

Then we get the tears, then we get Pirate Pete gwannin’ like he’s Johnny Depp – the Poundland version. And then we get him shouting in Liam’s face coz Megan is crying.

Look, we all watch TOWIE. Megan is always bloody crying. She cries so much, I’m scared she’ll pop like a kid’s’swimming pool if she goes to get a piercing.

And the fact that she allowed the argument to get to that point without stepping in, meaning Georgia had to, just tells me all I need to know.

Scripted or not, it all felt a bit nasty and unnecessary for; so I’ll end on a happy-ish note.

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Gatsby and Chloe

Am I the only one that is praying these two get together. As much as Chloe is a strong iindependentwoman I can’t help but think Gatsby would be perfect for her. Not only would he treat her like a Queen, but he clearly worships the ground she walks on. And who doesn’t need that in their life…?

Who knows what will happen, either way I expect more drama when we get the second instalment later this week.

TOWIE is on ITVBe Sundays and Wednesday at 10pm.

 

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