I had a few episodes to catch up on so there was too much coach based action to create any kind of proper review. So I thought I’d switch it up with some some advice for our travellers.  

Debbie and Ashleigh: Firstly, you’re about as mature as a Dairylea slice! I can’t help but think you just don’t like the young hotties that are Lauren and Holmest. 

You’ve spent the whole trip saying how you want young, lively people and when your get two more; all you do is moan about them. 

Is it coz Liam + Josh are spending time with girls who aren’t you? You say the new girls are fake, but you spend most of your time with Alex and Rochelle… #JustSaying 

Ed and Alex: Alex, stop rapping. It’s not good, it’s not even remotely funny after the first time and I’m cringing everytime you do it. Also, is it the only rap song you know? 

I guess Alex is rapping again.

Josh and Liam: Putting your arm around someone isn’t flirting. Your obsession with Jess and Abi’s relationship is kinda creepy. They’re relationship is NOT your business. And I feel like you’re confusing ‘being a lad’ with ‘being a twat’. 

Talking to someone or touching them does not mean they want the little D’s. Btw, no one is buying the gentlemen act. And if they are, I know a good hospital where they can spend spend some time. 

“Nothing gets past our eyes without us rating it.” Really boys. Really? Not very gentlemanly, is it?

And for the love of Christ; stop calling yourself Ballers. 

THIS is a Baller.

Abi and Jess: If you don’t want to be on this trip then you should go home. A free holiday is no reason to put yourself through negativity and spending time with people you clearly don’t like.

Your relationship is your business and if people don’t respect that, it says more about them than you.

Alex and Rochelle: Just breathe occasionally. Seriously, breathe. And turn the volume every now and then. As much as your friendship is cute, this double standard at the vote is frigging annoying. 

You made a big deal of telling everyone else to deal with it when you voted for them, yet threatened to kick Ed and Alex in the groin if they voted for you again!

Lauren and Holmest: Your seem like nice girls, but you’re young. So take it from an old bird, STEP AWAY FROM THE D. Don’t let the piggyback’s and cheeky smiles delude you. 

Dan and Andy: You seem nice, but there’s time yet… 

All this Ballers, banter, lad stuff is childish. And as a viewer it is annoying to watch a group of adults acting like pre-pubescent teenagers on a school trip. 

Maybe I’m old, maybe I’m boring. Or maybe I just don’t need to be in a group within a group in order to prove who I am. 

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NH

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Coach Trip is on E4 at 7. 30pm on weekdays. 

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