Give this international tour guide a break!

Like most words in the English language ‘fun’ is relative. My best friend’s idea of fun is reading about the latest Kimye drama, while mine is often watching football. It doesn’t make either of us more right or more fun, it just makes us different. But judging by the events and the voting on the last few episodes of Coach Trip, being different is a bad thing. 

Firstly, Gina and Lisa weren’t fun because they were older and Mum’s. I’m all for age appropriate fun, but it’s not like they were giving Ed and Alex a lapdance in their thongs! And frankly Ashleigh and Debbie, if you don’t want to go on holiday with your Mum then it says more about you than any other tinker.

Too Mumsy? Or just mature?

Then Hannah and Alex weren’t fun because they prefer more intellectual pursuits.

And judging by the comments, Abi and Jess were too different because they were lesbians, didn’t want to hump newcomers Liam and Josh, and unlike other couples – yes, you Alex and Rochelle – they didn’t act as if the sun shone out of their arses.

The last one annoyed me the most, for the two semi-professional footballers suggest that the girls were unsure of their sexualuty and that they ‘could get in there’ was insulting and disrespectful in the extreme. Based on what we’ve seen of the boys, can you imagine them smiling sweetly if someone tried it on with their girlfriend? Exactly! So why should it be any different because the girl in question has a committed partner who is also a girl. It’s idiocy like that that gives non-league footballers a bad name.

As for the rest of the crew, Rochelle and Alex are showing that they are more than just annoying catchphrases and synchronised hand gestures. They know exactly what they’re doing, as proved when Alex commented on their vote for Gina + Lisa: “That’s the name of the game, and we’re in it to win it”. 

That’s a declaration of aim if ever I’ve heard one! 

It remains to be seen if they will win the trip to Ibiza or even if they’ll last until the end. And judging by the recent contestants I probably won’t either…

Coach Trip is on daily at 7pm on E4.