 So long, farewell. 

Following the news that the amazing Paula Lane is to be killed off in her role as Kylie Platt, I started thinking about the soap characters I wouldn’t miss. 

Kylie has been a great addition to the Tilsey/Platt family so it will be interesting to see how the dynamics change following her departure. Both Nick and David will be single, so expect Gail to go into peak Tiger-mum mode. And for that alone, I’ll forgive then for killing Kylie. 

Sadly she’ll be leaving in a hearse and not a black cab, it’s a pity these characters can’t take her place… 

Fiz + Tyrone – Corrie

Once upon a time these two were touted as the next Jack + Vera,  but continuously depressing storylines has made them boring. All long-term relationships in soap must have humour. Karl and Susan Kennedy in Neighbours, Dierdre and Ken Barlow, you get the picture. 

Get rid of that wallpaper as well, while you’re there.

I know they’re two characters but they may as well be one – Fizrone, if you will – with all the mutual moaning they do about their debt problems. I have my own money issues, I really don’t need to hear about theirs as well! 

Hopefully the new head honcho will add a few laughs to their lines. Plus with the emergence of Gemma, Alex and Craig; I feel like their days may be numbered, or at least their storylines. A girl can live in hope… 

Ellie Nightingale – Hollyoaks

Now I love a leggy Chester starlet as much as the next girl, but there is something lacking whenever I see the beauty therapist on screen. I’m not sure if it’s personality or poor characterisation, but Ellie makes the forgettable Rachel seem interesting. I’m not saying they should make her the first beauty therapist to go into space, but come on! 

Besides being a pawn in Marnie’s latest scheme and a new person for Freddie to moon at needlessly, I’m not sure what the point of her is. Maybe she’s wilted under the big storylines of Alfie’s cancer and Rachel’s death, but either way she needs to come out of their shadows soon. 

It looked like her and The Real Lisa Loveday ™ could be friends after the designer handbag fiasco. I could totally see them terrorising the village and each other. There is serious frenamie potential there. 

Otherwise I see a swift demise for the character. Something to do with all that lovely long hair, and a piece of garage equipment. Maybe… 

Pierce – Emmerdale 

If you are going after a character as loved as Paddy Kirk, then you better come correct. I mean, I can deal with an upfront villain like Charity but Pierce is that creepy kind that will stab you before offering to take you to hospital. While simultaneously plunging the knife in deeper. 

The only purpose he serves is to make Rhona realise that her husband’s error in judgement was just that. And it leaves us with the revelation that Tess wasn’t the loopiest person in her marriage after all. Who knew? 

The Black Widow – Home & Away

You may know this character as Leah Patterson, although I prefer the name above as that is is what she has been to numerous male members of Summer Bay. 

“Irene will always be there for you, dahl.”

After Vinnie Patterson and Dan Baker, Zac MacGuire is her third husband. Plus various boyfriends, fiancés and stalkers; including but not limited to Jesse McGregor, Hazem Kassir and Elijah. Wasn’t she also with Sally’s brother? 

See, even I can’t keep up. And where are they all now? Exactly! But let’s give the girl a break. She must be tired of redecorating everytime she takes a new husband / roommate; the two are often mutually exclusive and quality decor isn’t cheap. 

Les Coker – Eastenders 

If they really wanted to do the transsexual storyline then I feel they had to go all in, not this tepid toe-testing-the-water route that they have gone. Despite giving Aunt Babe another way to be brilliantly evil, it hasn’t done much else for me. 

But I feel like his precious Birdy would fly without him, while he’d likely sink without her. 

Despite the flowers and the the pillowy soft voice, I think our Pam is made of sterner stuff. So I’m championing for the Coker to croak in order to get some fire back in Pam’s belly. 

Who would you like to see killed off in your favourite soap? Feel free to comment below and include your reason. 

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