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This was my first dip into the Island of Love this series and I’m glad to say it did not disappoint. This year’s bunch are still the biggest advert for plastic surgeons, personal trainers and tattooists world wide. I was actually considering adding lobotomists to that list, but I thought that might be a bit nasty…

As with every reality show, you are allowed to irrationally decide who you despise within your first hour-long episode. That person for me, is Scott Thomas. Given that both his brothers are in my favourites column of soap actors, I was extremely disappointed to find that he’s an emotionally immature, self-absorbed twat. And that’s the PG description.

If like me, you’re coming to it late here’s a handy little round-up before Friday evenings show when the re-coupling commences.

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* Scott was with Zara but he ditched her as soon as new girl Kady walked through the door. But he’s so juvenile he feels telling her how he feels gives her the upper hand, so he made sure she finished dinner wanting to punch his teeth out.

* Daniel likes Zara, but she’s still smarting from the Scott situation.

* Nathan and Cara are cutely coupled up, but we’ll have to see how long he’ll cope with not even a kiss for his troubles.

* Zara is/was also Miss GB but you’d never know coz she never mentions it.

* Tom and Sophie seem genuine and mature, which is like finding a needle in a haystack in that house.

* Then there is Javi, poor little Javi. If you looked up the phrase ‘friend zone’ on Urban Dictionary, there would probably be a picture of his confused, disappointed and lonely face.

* And last but by no means least, we have Malin. Now I thought she had a bit of class but it turns out she had a silent assassin after she told Terry she would gladly be with him if he wasn’t with her mate Olive. And she wasn’t with his mate Rykard.

But hey, like Scott said:
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There could be more couples but you’ll forgive me if I can’t name them. I mean let’s be honest the house is just a blend of fake tan, fake boobs and varying levels of fake people. It’s extremely hard to keep up when the only difference is how much their voices annoy me.

In my defence, like every show that takes you from z-list to m-list, you never know if the ‘stars’ are being themselves or if they’re just playing up for the cameras.

I shouldn’t really question it too much though, it’s a good way to kill an hour after a hard day at work and who doesn’t like to give their brain a rest every once in a while.

And to add to the confusion, one boy will go home tonight only to be replaced by two new girls. I might have to get my pen and paper ready…
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NH
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Love Island is on ITV2 at 9 pm until, well, whenever it ends.

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