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How weird was this week’s opening clip? I mean I’m all for cute guys and their not so cute friends running around an assault course, but it was so staged that I feel like I need proof that Alex’s and James six-packs are real. Lucy and Nicola I apologise, but it’s cool because my name isn’t Steph.

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I don’t even know where to start with Steph except to say that I love Lucy’s impression of her. I know I shouldn’t laugh, but…

But after inviting ALL of Lucy’s friends to the Maldives – paid for by the show – the sly threat was a Grade A twat move. Sadly I wasn’t surprised having watched her and her aptly name brother, Spencer Pratt, on The Hills.

But Sam being angry with Lucy is ridiculous. She’s Tiffany’s sister, so did you really expect her to rat her sister out? Of course not!

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Her loyalty is to her sister. Whatever she may think of Tiff’s actions, her role as a big sister is to have her back. Maybe she is moralistic but I’m pretty sure it’s not comparable to murder. Plus you can see the blonde Watson is devastated, she hasn’t even done her roots man! That’s serious heartbreak.

To be fair, maybe Tiff should take some pointers from Louise on how to get someone back after you cheat on them…

In other news; I must admit that my love of Mark’s sharp tongue is dying. Normally I find his patronising condescension highly amusing, but it feels just down right nasty when he’s treating his bestie like that. I’m not Victoria’s biggest fan, but she needed his support and he was awfully dismissive of her.

Jamie is in love again with Frankie, although I’m not sure he can love anyone more than he loves himself. Which he proved when she asked him if he had ‘hooked up’ with anyone. I sense there is more to that story than Jamie’s bad memory.

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But I’m keeping it all crossed for Richard and Toff. Watching them two navigate the dating scene is like watching Bambi. Without the dude with the shotgun, obviously. They’re both so awkward and socially inept but there is an innocence there that I can’t help but love.

BEST LINE
Winner – Ollie to Richard while getting highlights
“It’s called Ritalin.”

Runner up – Richard to Toff during meditation
“I can feel you eroding my zen. ”

Made in Chelsea is on E4 at 9pm on Monday nights.

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